It dried. Eventually it stopped completely.

That's OK, it will come back later. It is coming back. Slowly.

The music never stopped. It was actually louder, which is why you could not hear it.

I'd like to say it won't happen anymore. Unfortunately I know it will. Because there are things I cannot cope with. There are events that I simply fear. I cannot cope with loss. Yet it is bound to happen, for all beings are mortal.

I wrote about it in 1993, yet nobody could understand. Me neither. They thought it was poetic when it was a cry for help. Luckily deep wasn't that deep. Sink in 1993. Sink in 1994. Sink in 1995. Sink and bounce. Analyze and reinvent yourself. 2000 arrived. It was the sunny tomorrow I was looking for.

But this is different. 1995 was personal. My universe was changing. Everything else was stable, which helped.

The next crisis will be dramatic. It's not about me anymore.

What will I do? I don't know. How will I react? Externally I won't react. External watchers will not understand -- they never do.

Maybe Tigger would know. I sure don't.