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I miss my friends. They are close yet so far away. We are drifting everyday a little bit more.
I see them cruise at a distance. They are having fun. Am I? Doesn't look like.
I see them gadgets. "The tools will save you" they do say. I don't think so. They seem to be happy about it. I'm not.
Is that envy I feel? Could be. Or not. I tried the gadgets and I feel nothing. I don't understand what they see in them. I feel pity for all this hype.
I am definitely lost. I don't know what I want anymore. I have nothing. I have it all. I have what I wanted. And a lot more. It used to be simple. When did that change?
Low tide. Sharp rocks emerging from water. Cold and distant. Screams. Crying. Lack of control. Powerless. Started with smiles. Ended crying. Couldn't stand it anymore. Difficult times.
Luckily she was there. She knows. She's strong. I don't. I'm not.
Part of the magic is gone. I'm obviously present but I feel disconnected.
Sometimes I think it rocks and I can make a difference, and other times reality strikes me a like a brick and I feel overwhelmed.
To top it, I just lost a friend in the place. I feel lonely. A shy lonely geek.
I've been thinking of changing my online presence. At first I wanted to remove it. In fact I think it will morph, although I'm not sure in what. Probably something more cryptic.
You know you've played to much of a game when you look at a real-world picture and can't help thinking it looks like a copy of some virtual world.
We received some random Christmas gift catalog and the front cover shows a rocky stream with snow banks and a background of pine trees. My first reaction was oh my, that looks exactly like the perpetually frozen creek at the bottom the Gates of Ironforge in Dun Morogh.
This is where I stand.
It's really weird right now. I'm used to a median state where things are stable, move slowly and time is mostly irrelevant. Whereas right now things are all over the board, with highs when it's a magical moment and lows when I consider... well I'm not even sure what. Luckily the highs win yet it still feels like a race, except I have no idea what I am racing against nor if there's a goal.
So I need to address that. I'm working hard to control one component out of the picture (the workload, which is the easiest to manage overall yet it's infinite at the same time and just generates itself so it's no win-win.)
I think the key is that I need to access my time management technique, which obviously is not adequate anymore and find a new one. That's going to take some time. And energy, which I kind of lack right now. So I surely also need to understand what my goals are and where I want to go. And remove the backlog, which generates its own burden.
In a sense, it's cleanup time. Again.
There's a bullet in the gun,
there's a fire in your heart,
you will move all mountains that stand in your way.
Good tunes never die :-)
In other news, second anniversary, brunch at the Beach Chalet with Tg, S & C, finished the single missions in StarCraft yesterday and I'm playing with OpenBSD this morning.
In other news I've been behind in almost everything else. Since we came back from vacation I mostly focused on actually working at work (duh!) and most of my time at home is spent with the babies. I still spent a lot of time doing computer stuff during the week-ends but I haven't committed myself to any serious task (except fixing Rig for MM.) I started switching from CVS to SVN and haven't completed that, and none of my other projects have moved by a serious inch. It doesn't help that I don't really take time to finalize what I want them to do.
Speaking of repositories, I have some projects hosted at home, some on SourceForge and some on code.google.com. Right now the latter clearly rocks. The UI is a lot easier to deal with and the repository is faster. And I'm totally impressed by the architecture behind it. The rule is that new stuff is only going to go code.google.com, yet I do like having my own projects close at home and I don't want to have to commit stuff twice -- I thought about mixing CVS and SVN, telling CVS to ignore the .svn and SVN to ignore the CVS dir and thus it would be possible to commit the same file on two different repositories. But quite frankly that seems like extra work for nothing. What I need is a way to sync a SVN sub-project into another one.
Something like svnsync from Subversion 1.4. However this is in 1.4 and I only have 1.3.2 at home, even in Debian unstable. There are other replication scripts around yet I'd rather use the official stuff once available so I can just work with remote repositories right now and later use replication to update my own mirror backups when 1.4 ships.
Operation cwal: power overwhelming black sheep wall, show me the money, ophelia.
So yeah I've been playing
StarCraft
again for the past two weeks.
I started playing the regular single-player missions normally and then quickly realized it wasn't too convenient to spend several hours on one level all night long. Babies and other obligations around here don't give me that luxury. Instead I used the cheats to play in full god mode (full map and infinite resources, and depending on the level invulnerability), and it still takes me between 10 and 30 minutes to complete a level. Interestingly the can't wait any longer mode also applies to the computer opponent, so the map gets really interesting with lots of tanks and crafts being created by the minute. It requires to change one's strategy to match the new behavior. The down side of this is that it ruins learning the strategy for regular play, but since I don't play in multi-player mode it doesn't matter -- besides from what I remember playing in multi-player mode requires a different strategy than trying to beat the default computer AI. Human players have a more diverse strategy pool and are harder to beat.
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